Toupie on the Loose

Real online dating correspondence: Part Four

2011-05-19T21:58:00.000-04:00

Hark! A new correspondent!

From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me

What r u up to this evening. I would love to get with you and see what pops up lol . . . . . . . . . . . . . You are stunning and would be a delight

From: Me
To: thisbudz4udollface

Is this like a children's game? Does a weasel pop up? I'm sorry if I stunned you; it was an accident. You'll have to finish the rest of the sentence though.. 'would be a delight'.. 'if you were just 2 inches taller' or 'if you lived closer to me' or 'if you happened to have a great appreciation for Transformers'.

From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me

Omg lol shut up what city u in

***Two minutes later: another message***

From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me

I am tall where it matters. 9 inches . And the boom box transformer rox

Charming, isn't he?

Real online dating correspondence: Part Three

2011-05-14T11:20:00.005-04:00

From: girl flex
To: Me

I was really hoping I can meet you though, and maybe get head.. cause, after all, you're not cute enough for me to actualy take serious or date.. ull find that on here lots I predict.

From: Me
To: girl flex

Wow.. so I guess the school board is teaching your kid values since yours are totally absent.

Good call on that one, Trent!

Hopefully you won't get hairy palms from all the rubbing and tugging you're doing to mediocre looking women online! I mean, gosh, wasn't it just the other day that you were saying something about my hot mouth?

I'm just so confused now.

From: girl flex
To: Me

gte a life... maybe if you stopped teasing guys on line so much ud actually meet a dude! don't write me back plz

End correspondence.

Unbelievable, right?

Also, as much as I hate to say it.. even though I know this guy is a d-bag, it still hurts to be told I'm 'not cute enough'. Well, hopefully I made him cry a little inside too.

Real date experience

2011-05-13T21:11:00.001-04:00

So I went on a first date (First Date for all those of you who think of it as a capital letter occasion) on Wednesday night.

The deets:

Younger man
Rides a motorcycle
Went to my alma mater, as it turns out. Actually, the initial correspondence went something like this:

From: Me
To: WorkinfortheWeekend

Did you go to ************** university by any chance? I just did a double-take when I saw a reference to ********* bar in one of your photos.

I graduated in ****.. How are you finding life post-***********?

All that aside, I liked what I saw before my minor freak-out over ************. Beer somewhere?

From: WorkinfortheWeekend
To: Me

************** university indeed. We are few and far between around these parts. We should definitely get together and talk survival strategy now that we have left the secure confines of ************.

I teach so I am basically done everyday at 3 haha. How's your week looking?

End correspondence

So we chose a convenient watering hole and decided to meet up in the evening on Wednesday.

And.. as I was walking toward the bar, a bird shat on me. True story.

Fortunately, it got my left arm, purse, and big right toe. Even more fortunately, WorkinfortheWeekend was a little tardy so I was able to clean up in the washroom before seeing him (although he was pretty cool with the whole 'sitting across from the recently shat upon chick' thing; I did tell him - I'm a blabber).

In a further twist, his sister, her husband, and their 18 month old showed up at the bar. In fairness, they were meeting work friends. They did sit with us for a bit - very nice couple; cute kid. So I met his family on the first (First) date (Date); no biggie. He handled it well. I'm so glad it was HIS family and not mine! Haha... I love my family but gosh, that would be a *little* uncomfortable, hmm?

Aside from that, all you need to know about the date is that I think I can now safely fall on the birds-bring-you-good-luck-when-they-shit-on-you side of things - I got kissed! Weee!

Real online dating correspondence: Part Two

2011-05-13T20:48:00.002-04:00

For inquiring minds now hooked on bad email exchanges.. My apologies but I'll keep feeding your addiction as long as I can (aka: as long as I am single and on dating websites).

Fans of 'girl flex', see below. This is what followed after I suggested that he had hired a monkey to type for him.

From: girl flex
To: Me

too many words, not enough dirty talk *joke* ... ummmm...seeing me will depend on which school board you work at cause I have a son in the catholic school board and well I don't sh*twhere I eat.. or piss where i shit... or both *nasty*

do you wanna tell me???

I'm trent btw

P.S. I have a feeling you might like me when you see me... don't ask, but I think there's something about us having a few things in common... far beyong kissing and soft skin, although those are the fun things!

From: Me
To: girl flex

.. actually - I didn't respond - (I was left temporarily speechless) BUT, he wrote again!

From: girl flex
To: Me

?

From: Me
To: girl flex

Hi Trent,

I don't know what to say.. The eating and sleeping scenario you described does seem pretty disgusting; hard for it not to with that graphic imagery. Do you write creatively on the side?

I think we'd better leave it at this. Good luck!

Real online dating correspondence: Part I

2011-05-09T20:25:00.002-04:00

What happens after too much time doing online dating.. yes, I will respond to ridiculous emails.. for sheer entertainment value. Enjoy!!

From: girl flex

To: Me

is that skin as soft as it looks?? lol

From: Me

To: girl flex

All two some-odd meters of it... nice line, GF. Actually, my skin is pretty soft.

How's yours?

And, tell me - this inquiring mind wants to know - what are some of your interests? Or are you saving that for our first date?

I've been running a lot lately - maybe that's why my legs are sore? I've been running through your mind? Haha.. :p

From: girl flex

To: Me

who said anything about dating?!.. I just wanna make out with that hot mouth of yours!!!

From: Me

To: girl flex

Hmmm... my hot mouth is somehow not getting closer to you.. are you SURE you want
to make out with it? You're not very convincing.

I mean, first, there's the whole waaaay too direct approach; I am thinking that I am definitely holding all the cards now! Ha!

Then, there's the fact that while you saaaay you want to make out with my hot mouth, I can only imagine that you will be kissing the screen if we don't date.

Finally, while you appear intelligent enough to type (or have hired a monkey to do the job), I don't know what you look like - unless you are trying to tell me, in an indirect way, that you are so ugly that I shouldn't see you. Should I call you Phantom?

Oh well; I will now wrap my hot mouth around a delicious ice cream sandwich. Yum.

Punch buggy punch, no punch back OR pushy pushy, jeez

2011-04-13T21:38:00.001-04:00

Hmm.. blind item:
I'm editing this for greater anonymity.

The grand-daughter of a very famous, retired, ****, had a fit yesterday when given an assignment requiring her to draw a cartoon or caricature. According to her this was a gross miscarriage of justice.. even though the artsy students constantly need to write; something which may not come as easily to them as it does to her.

Today: when taking up two articles on rites of passage, she objected to the quality of an article on the Jewish Bar Mitzvah ritual but was incapable of explaining what was wrong with it, saying instead that she didn't think the author was Jewish.

She persisted in her objections in spite of having it pointed out to her that she had single-handedly called into question the credibility of all Religious Studies departments and academics researching religions to which they do not belong.

Sigh.

When pushed on the question of how she knew the author wasn't Jewish she hemmed and hawed finishing with 'I have a lot of friends who are Jewish'.

Sigh.

Teacher: 'I'm Jewish'

Her, jaw on desk: 'What? Huh? Really?'

Teacher: 'What, can't you tell?'

Stare down.

Her: 'Sorry' - blush, eyes downcast.

Hammer - down.

Score one for the teacher.

Call me crazy.. a few thoughts on the iPhone

2011-04-04T20:24:00.000-04:00

Alright, short blog.

I'm looking into smartphones and in my research I have discovered that people will pay good money for almost anything.

I know, I know - slow to the draw. Please, let me clarify.

I had realized over my 30 some-odd years of existence that if people have money they will spend it on anything and everything one can imagine; it's just that some part of me thought that perhaps the Apple crowd was.. different.

How silly, especially after the iPad.

I stumbled across this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORcu-c-qnjg) YouTube video of Steve Jobs essentially selling snake oil to a crowd of people who ATE IT UP.

Watch the video, you'll see what I mean.

This is the high tech equivalent of a kid's toy salesman saying "Right folks, so we brought out new paddles last year. This year we're attaching an elastic string which you'll find useful for all kinds of reasons we can't yet begin to imagine - but isn't that SO exciting?". Cue applause.

People are paying for PROTOTYPES. People are paying lots and lots of money for prototypes. What's more, these Apple jokers KNOW that they're selling prototypes. These guys have computer engineering, computer science, physics, and math backgrounds.. and you're telling me that none of them thought it was a little weird that the 'Accelerometer' didn't move when the iPhone moved around gravity? Please. They were all itching and scratching over its limited functionality.

But now the 'Gyroscope' is one of the selling features for the iPhone4.. snake oil, I say - especially considering that the Nexus has that feature too.

What am I missing here? Why are Steve Jobs's words not working their seductive magic on me? Perhaps I need to move around gravity a little bit more.

Stuff my face with Pepperettes

2011-03-31T22:51:00.000-04:00

Wow.

Beware - this is a rant. Hopefully some funny will come out of it.

So tonight was a TOTAL waste of time. Except that the Pepperettes I bought on my way home were tasty - all of them - because I ate them all, all at once. Yes, I know, that's disgusting. It does, however, beat fighting with my cat over them. I would also have gotten Cadbury Cream Eggs had the store carried them. (Who doesn't have Cadbury Cream Eggs this close to Easter?!)

I was annoyed before I got to the wine bar. I was turning off of Bank Street onto Fourth Avenue when my phone rang. I picked up because the guy who was calling has cancelled in the past, just an hour or so before we were supposed to meet. Clearly, not promising.

I suppose I agreed to meet him tonight (we met through an online dating site) because my standard for write-offs is if he stood me up.. it's not happening. Where this guy was concerned though, he always sounded so apologetic I thought, why not? And too, there is an element to all of this of - I just wanted to meet him to get it over with so that he'd stop bugging me for a date. Bad idea; so bad. I need to raise my write-off bar.

This guy, when I saw him, instantaneously became 'Old Guy'. He was a fitter (I use the term loosely) version of Philip Seymour Hoffman but with fuller cheeks, somehow. I really, badly wanted to say 'Yeah.. no' and walk away. I had been asking for better photos from him online and never got them. I now see why.

He called when I was turning onto Fourth because he was on Bank Street looking for the Fourth Avenue Wine Bar. My reaction: Are - you - kidding - me? Readers take note, I had sent him the address prior to meeting. No surprise - the Fourth Avenue Wine Bar is - yes, on Fourth Avenue. Two points: 1) We have Google now and 2) I teach kids all day; I DO NOT want to school a man.

Old Guy is actually younger than my ex-boyfriend but somehow he seems waaaay older. Hopefully I will age more like my ex and less like Old Guy. Old Guy reminded me that there was a time, when I was in my early and mid twenties, that I dated older men and felt that it was strange and not for me. Then I met the ex and that changed. Now it feels like that barrier is broken but it seems that these older guys are more like Old Guy. I can practically smell mothballs. And while I want to say that it just goes to show that it really isn't about age, in the end, given the probabilities involved.. it mainly IS about age. Lesson: I'd probably have more fun with someone closer to my age.

One more thing about Old Guy. Let's do the math together, shall we? So.. Old Guy moves to Ottawa from Montreal about 8 months ago. Bam! He meets a lady, they start to date. Bam! 7 months later, it's over. In the meantime, how long do you think, dear reader, that Old Guy has been making lamo contacts with me? Hmm.. definitely more like 2 months than 1 month.

Old Guy is sucky and lame.

Final confession: I also bought marshmallows to go with my Pepperettes.. *I will metabolize this*, *I will metabolize this*..

ps: Who should I go out with next? 2BELOVEDBYU? Dys_func? What about Aidan_76 (his real name is Blair)?

I swear to God, these guys make me want to buy a collection of chastity belts.

Time for a Change

2011-03-28T21:58:00.004-04:00

Truthfully, I'm not yet sure where this blog is going. I keep coming back to it and perusing it like a canvas with the thought that it really ought to be put to use. What purpose it may serve is unclear to me at present. It may be that it has no real purpose. For now, I'm happy to let it evolve or morph into whatever it will. It's not something that I often let happen; usually I know exactly what outcome I want and I work towards it.

As my colleague (sensei, really), Paul, said to me: 'Oh - you're one of those goal-oriented people' - followed by a notorious Paul eye-roll/near-smirk. Needless to say: best sensei a yr. 6 teacher could have.

Keep in mind that Paul has run both the NYC and Boston marathons and was dismissive of the change that Boston is bringing about next year. He waved his hand and said 'Well that's still fine' when we were talking about the qualifying times being shaved by 5 minutes (http://bo.st/hS24GX).

He's right though. The qualifying times for NYC are definitely tougher (http://bit.ly/idPkMK).

Still, he's not goal-oriented - ha, ha. Actually, in all fairness he probably isn't. It's just that it's hard to believe that he could be a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda fella given that he's got salt and pepper hair and is a fantastic teacher.. then again, he does sneak out the backdoor of staff meetings like his pants are on fire. I am more and more often on his heels.

I think Paul would be pleased to have me announce that I was going to spontaneously run a half marathon.

Well, there's some food for thought.

For real food, I've been making this easy (see below) dish for some weeks now and have started to adapt it. Always delicious.

POLENTA AND VEGETABLE BAKE

Ingredients -
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 medium eggplant, diced
1 small zucchini, finely diced
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup water
10 ounces baby spinach
1 1/2 cups prepared marinara sauce
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil
14 ounces prepared polenta, sliced lengthwise into 6 thin slices
1 1/2 cups shredded part-skim mozzarella, divided

Directions -
1. Preheat oven to 450F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray.
2. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add eggplant, zucchini, salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are tender and just beginning to brown. 4 to 6 minutes. Add water and spinach, cover and cook until wilted, stirring once, about 3 minutes. Stir marinara sauce into the vegetables and heat through. 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in basil.
3. Place polenta slices in a single layer in the prepared baking dish, trimming to fit if necessary. Sprinkle with 3/4 cups cheese, top with the eggplant mixture and sprinkle with the remaining 3/4 cups cheese. Bake until bubbling and the cheese has just melted, 12 to 15 minutes. Let stand for about 5 minutes before serving.

Adapting -
The best thing that I've done to this recipe is to add cooked quinoa to the eggplant mix so that there's some solid protein in there. In addition, I've now tried replacing the polenta with cooked rice and that worked very nicely. I've also frequently used cheddar instead of mozzarella because I really like that sharp taste. One of the great things about this recipe is that all kinds of veggies can go in in lieu of the onces suggested; no need for anything to go to waste. One last adaptation that I've successfully tried is to replace the marinara sauce with 8 ounces diced, canned, tomatoes, and 8 ounces canned tomato sauce - no problem, easy peasy, and still a great flavour.

Packing up

2008-08-11T02:47:00.003-04:00

Well - I admit that I haven't been able to keep up the blogs in a regular fashion.

Cambodia whipped by. Thailand has also been a blur.

Thailand is a beautiful country and it looks far more prosperous than either Cambodia or Vietnam.

In Bangkok I have enjoyed the Chaturak weekend market; the biggest market you can ever imagine. If you've been to the Grand Canyon and thought you were prepared for its size and then discovered that your mind couldn't hold the picture of the canyon, this market is like that.. but in market, not canyon, shape. It was incredible, sprawling in size and variety of goods and I scored a vintage Miu Miu skirt!!! For 8 dollars!! Heaven.

I've seen Buddhist monks, temples, pagodas, and buddhas everywhere I look, had the best dal and bean curd I've ever eaten, and been amazed by Mah Boon Krong (MBK) mall. The mall is 7 stories high and jammed with stores selling everything from knock-off IPhones to knock-off sunglasses. The top floors are a maze of food stalls selling delicious food, a bowling alley, adorable and sound-proof karaoke stalls, and the most ginormous cinema complex I have ever seen.

I also visited Jim Thompson's little jewel of a house. An American architect, Jim Thompson revived the silk trade in Thailand and preserved six traditional Thai houses that have long been open to the public as a museum that showcases traditional Thai architecture and art. Unfortunately, Mr. Thompson disappeared while hiking in Malaysia in 1961.

Yesterday I visited the bridge on the River Kwai. The original was blown apart by Allied forces in 1945 but the new bridge has been reconstructed in the same fashion. It was interesting to visit one of the three cemeteries where some of the 15,000 soldiers who died in the construction of the original bridge and railroad are buried. 100,000 civilians also died.

On my last day here I decided to take the plunge and treat myself to a traditional Thai massage. I was a little nervous because I'd heard that Thai massages are very different that Swedish massages and that they involve pulling of limbs. It was the best massage I've ever had. The masseuse though wasn't happy that I elected to have just a one hour massage. She told me that two hours is better because she had to rush otherwise. She also scolded me because everything was so tight.. I suppose I'll just have to find a Thai masseuse in Ottawa :p

All in all it's been a really wonderful trip and I am very glad that I had the opportunity to see as much as I did.

There is much that I haven't written about the trip because of a lack of time and because sometimes I have found it difficult to put experiences into words. I don't know if I'll post more about my impressions and experiences after I'm back in Canada but I am looking forward to talking about them with all of you.

All the best, thanks for reading,
Emmanuelle

Cambodia so far

2008-08-05T20:06:00.002-04:00

Cambodia is going by very quickly. In fact, I only have 24 more hours before we leave for Thailand.

In Phnom Penh I visited the Royal Palace, Tuol Sleng (the genocide museum), and the Killing Fields. There is a contrast to these places that is impossible to overlook. The links between the three however, are unclear to someone unschooled in Cambodian history or politics.

The sad truth is that although the Cambodian royal family did not instigate Pol Pot's revolution, which history will remember as a sick social experiment, they did have a hand in the murder of millions of Cambodians. The grandness of the Royal Palace is overshadowed by the fact that in 1975 Cambodia had approximately 7 million inhabitants and that by 1979, under Pol Pot's regime, nearly 3 million had been murdered. Nearly half the country's population was killed by its own government.

Today the genocide museum appears as a token remembrance. Its existence is pretty tenuous. It is falling apart and is in desperate need of repairs and steady funding. The mere reality of the museum is a small miracle. Looking around, it is striking to realize that anyone older than me must have had some role to play in Pol Pot's regime. Pol Pot and his cadre forced children as young as 12 years of age to become Khmer Rouge soldiers. They were terrorized, tortured, and forced to kill in the hope that they might be spared. More than anything, Cambodians seem to struggle with the need to forget and the desire to remember.

I need to go.. so much more to say.

On a radically different note, my stomach is waging a war but Dukoral is winning. Thank God.

xoxox
E

A list of unmentioned things

2008-07-31T11:56:00.003-04:00

Before I leave for Cambodia, a quick list of things that have not made into my blogs about Vietnam:

1. Fruit juices in Saigon are unparallelled
2. The north is far poorer than the south
3. Many people think it's weird that a woman is travelling alone
4. Tourism is increasing in Vietnam and so is prostitution (I wish I could generate a clever list like the Harper's Index for you.. but I can't because I don't have p.13.. haha)
5. People sell in the north and beg in the south
6. When I say that the Vietnamese are hardworking it doesn't mean that there aren't some lazy slobs.. believe me, there are plenty who 'press sugar-cane juice' (aka: don't do much other than spin a wheel)
7. I saw illegal cock-fighting (and by that I mean roosters - get your minds out of the gutter!)
8. A man on my trip won $10,000 in an illegal game of poker at some local's house
9. I organized a wedding for a Danish couple (next step: open up a chapel of love in Las Vegas)
10. I had a one-hour massage from a blind woman today for the ridiculous price of $2.75 + generous tip

Goodbye Vietnam!!

Meeting Mr. Kiet

2008-07-30T06:47:00.010-04:00

So. I haven't had much time to update the blog. I've also been processing a lot.

My south-bound trip from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City (aka Saigon) ended yesterday. I realized that I was rather disapointed with the trip as a whole. My tour guide, although very nice, wasn't forthcoming with information. We spent more time sleeping on the bus than learning about Vietnam, the American War in Vietnam, and French colonialism. In fact, two wonderful Dutch naval ladies told me that they learned more from me than they did from our guide.

As an aside, I recommend not messing with Dutch naval ladies. They are tough. I am glad they decided that I am their friend. ;-)

I think I was trying to be open-minded and I didn't want to be too demanding. I think I was also waiting to see how things would develop; hoping perhaps that my guide would have insights to provide at the next stop.

Since I've never been on this kind of trip before I really didn't know what to expect. The fact that I learned more from my books than I did from my guide was disappointing. Those of you who know me well know that I take in people's stories like sponges take up water. I love learning from other people. I am happy that that part of my trip is over and that I am meeting new people and new guides.

Today was spent walking around Saigon, going back to the War Remnants Museum, and eating yummy vegetarian food. One of my peeves with my old guide, Sonny, was that he didn't make any effort to take us to restaurants that had vegetarian food even though, as I have discovered, it does exist in Vietnam and isn't that difficult to find.

Another peeve I had with Sonny was that he only allowed an hour's time at the War Remnants Museum. The museum is a testimony to the attrocities of war and I put it on par with the Children's Holocaust Memorial, Yad Vachem, in Jerusalem. It should be a catalyst for everyone who visits to protest war or at least, to make sure that governments abide by the Geneva Convention and other international laws. Hurrah for being on my own!!

Yesterday morning I met Mr. Kiet who is a Chinese-Vietnamese man and who was my guide back to the Mekong Delta and to Vinh Long, my mother's birth place. He taught me useful Vietnamese phrases like (in English transliteration) "Trchoi Oi" - "Oh my God", and "eurn Trcoi" - "Thank God". If I lived here I would definitely take Vietnamese lessons. I am appalled that the people I travelled with from Hanoi to Saigon didn't make any effort to learn how to say even "hello" or "thank you". Then again, if Sonny had tried to teach them, they might have felt more comfortable trying.

In any event, Mr. Kiet is a friendly and dynamic man who is not shy about expressing his views with regards to the Vietnamese government's corruption. He is equal parts sophisticate, entrepreneur, savvy southerner, and jealous xenophobe. It was fascinating spending time with him.

His father was an army doctor who trained with American medics at the American military base in Saigon. After Reunification, when the Americans went home, the Viet Cong sent Vietnamese collaborators to re-education camps. People spent anywhere from six months to six years in re-education. They were interred and had infrequent and controlled visits from their families during their stay at the camps. There, they read communist propaganda and wrote papers about the new regime. They were allowed to leave when their jailors decided that they had been rehabilitated.

Mr. Kiet's father, the doctor, spent two and a half years in a re-education camp before being released. He did not tell me what his father did after his release.

Born in 1974, Mr. Kiet has an older sister and a younger brother. He lives 3km away from his younger brother and they are both avid cyclists. He cycles to work and goes on long trips in the countryside. When their families go on weekend trips together, the wives and kids pile in a car and he and his brother leave early on their bikes. Just after picking me up at my hotel, he received a phone call from his brother: the Lance Armstrong sunglasses that they want to order will cost them $200 each. He was still pumped about the Danish win at the Tour de France.

Mr. Kiet's sister lives much further away. She was brought to the United States by their uncle and was raised with their cousins. She is a dentist in Texas and he doesn't see her often.

Mr. Kiet talks optimistically about the future. He hopes that not just his children, but he himself, will be able to travel in the future. When I asked him when he thinks the government will open up, he said by the year 2015. By then he hopes to have his own travel agency or otherwise, to be a landlord.

While Mr. Kiet has bright plans for the future, he begrudges the success of the Vietnamese boat people who have returned to invest in Vietnam. He says "they showoff, they too flash" and that "they forget they Vietnamese too". Clearly, there is some jealousy at play.

On my southbound trip we did a quick jaunt into the Mekong - the Mother River - but we didn't see much other than a coconut candy workshop and a poor snake being bled to death to satisfy the hunger and curiosity of some of my fellow travellers.

On this second trip to the Mekong, we ventured further west and into Vinh Long province, the province that my grandfather administered before the Japanese took over Vietnam. It was great. We again visited a workshop but I was able to taste all kinds of candy that is made for Tet, the Vietnamese New Year, and also some delicious puff rice concoction and coconut-rice chip thing.. yum.

Mr. Kiet is hooked up in the Mekong. Two of his cousins work at the candy workshop and his belly tells me that he has a sweet tooth of his own. It's a good thing that we both like biking. We did a little trip around an enormous Mekong island. It wasn't a very hard ride but I did feel better about scarfing down the Tet candy. Along the way we dodged other people on bicycles and motorcyclists who don't seem to care that the paths on the island are often less than a metre wide. We also stopped and had tea with a beekeeper who was smoking out some bees while his wife was melting honeycomb to make candles from the wax. His bees are chic bees of Italien descent though I can't vouch for the taste since they've been around since 1982... (haha.. get it? 1980s taste?? Bueller? Bueller?.. he)

Seriously, it was a very interesting encounter. Beekeeping is a lucrative business if you can make a go of it, it seems. In this case, the shy beekeeper, who wouldn't let me take his photo because it had never before been taken, has three farms. Each farm gives him an income approximating $8000/year - making him a rich man in this country.

We spent the night at a homestay run by Mr. Ba who has to be the friendliest Vietnamese man that I have met on this trip. His smile could light up a room. He seemed to be about 70 years old and still had a spring in his step. One of his sons had just left for Australia with his Vietnamese-Australian bride.

This morning we took to the river again and were ferried over to Vinh Long Town (it used to be Vinh Long Ville before it was americanized). I snapped two quick photos of the house where my mother was born and then we were off. Mr. Kiet was charming and helpful when it came to finding the house. Our Mekong guide, Sheri, who is from Vinh Long province, was also very kind.

My lasting impression of Vietnam is that it is a place of contradictions. I like it because it is so very human. Nothing is black and white here.

People worry about the environment while they are proud to drive motorcycles. They worry about their children while they have three of them ride without helmets between their two parents. They want wealth but begrudge the wealth of other Vietnamese.

While the government abdicates its responsibilities to its citizens the people here are moving forward as best they can. They build constantly. They build offices, houses, motorcycles, cyclos. They create businesses. They are hungry for success.

They avoid the police and settle disputes on their own. While it can be brutal and uncivilized, in a country where laws are arbitrarily enforced, it can also be immediate and effective. Mr. Kiet was never able to press charges against the man who scarred him with his motorcycle; even though a police officer saw it happen. Today, I saw a man chasing another man down the street. Both were holding large sticks. One stick was bigger than the other. In Vietnam, as in much of the developing world, might makes right.

I again have tomorrow to myself.. I don't yet know what it will bring but I am sure it will be fun! Tomorrow night I meet my new group and new tour leader and then, onward and westward to Angkor Wat!!

Woo hoo!

xoox
E

Vietnam variables

2008-07-23T20:11:00.007-04:00

I've been in Vietnam for nearly two weeks now and in that time some things have become a little clearer. First, the country's permeating smell has nothing to do with vegetation and everything to do with garbage being burned. Along with the humidity it makes the air heavy and sometimes difficult to breathe. Second, the Vietnamese work all the time in order to remain as distant as possible from abject poverty which does not seem that far removed for most of them. According to one of my books, over 50% of the 87 million people live below the poverty line, however that is defined in a place like this. A final realization and one that is related to poverty is that the helmets people wear here are smaller than our own and would not provide the same protection in an accident.

The people work all the time. There is a constant noise in the cities of people fixing motorcycles, cooking food, hawking goods. It goes non-stop.

The hill-tribe people of Sapa, like the Vietnamese, are very hardworking. They are subsistence rice farmers because the climate in the north of Vietnam only permits one rice harvest per year. They are sometimes able to feed their entire family of eight to twelve on their harvest. In the past two to five years selling small handmade items to tourists has helped some hill-tribe folk to have a better life.

On my way to Sapa I met two Aussies, Kate and Ben, and a Brit, Adam, who became my companions while in the north. Our train left Hanoi at 9:15. It was madness getting on. The signs advertising the trains were almost all in Vietnamese and the conductors and station agents spoke no English. We all made the mistake of letting a conductor take our tickets and we realized how lucky we were to get them back after he returned them to us. The train took us to Lao Cai where we disembarked at about 5am. The train to and from Sapa was in pretty good condition although the toilets were really smelly. Good thing I travel with hand sanitizer!

In Sapa, Adam and I hired bicycles and a guide to tool around the countryside. It was a lot of fun but very hot! We were mainly biking uphill at 10 degree inclines. It rains a lot in the region because moisture builds up one side of the mountains and gets released on the other. The rice fields are tiered and it's a spectacular sight made more so by the realization that the hilltribe people need to clear the land of forest before they are able to create the tiers and plant the rice.

On my second day in Sapa, I did an eight hour hike and met people from five of Vietnam's 54 ethnic minority groups: the Red Zhao, Black Mung, Zhay, and Flower people (yes, that's their real name), and some Chinese people as well.

The Red Zhao, Black Mung, Zhay, and Flower people are very poor. Of these four groups the Zhay people are prospering the most because they are very good at rice cultivation and they seem to have good business sense. When tourism began to take off in the region, the Zhay people were the first to cooperate with tour operators and to offer things like homestays to tourists who eat and spend a night with a local family. I spent the night in a Zhay village, met a nice Zhay family, and also met some very nice people from Canada and New Zealand.

The Black Mung are the probably the poorest people in Sapa but it's difficult for me to judge since there are very few Flower people. The Black Mung also have the shortest life-expectancy. I am certain that this is related to malnutrition but it may also have something to do with the fact that their livestock live, eat, and sleep with them in their homes. They are considered to have lived a long life if they make it to 65.

After returning to Hanoi I joined a new group and we made our way south by sleeper train to Hue. Today we leave for Hoi An! This is exciting.. I am going to have some clothes made!

There is so much more to tell but I think some of my stories will need to wait until my return.

xo
E

On the move

2008-07-19T06:50:00.002-04:00

I am well and on the move again - leaving for the train station at Lao Cai in 10 minutes. Sapa is extraordinary in many ways: breathtaking, poor, very dirty.

Will blog when I can.

xox
E

French colonialism

2008-07-16T01:08:00.009-04:00

I usually think that physically, I show my Hungarian Jewish lineage. Here, though, I look French. Everyone knows that I'm French before they even know my name. I don't quite know what makes them think that I'm French. So - so much for stereotypes and self-conceptions.

My family lived in Vietnam for about 20 years on my grandfather's side and 40+ years on my grandmother's side. My grandmother was born here. My grandfather was the Administrator of Cholon Province. As a student, my aunt Jacquie boarded with the family of Marguerite Duras who famously wrote the book 'The Lover' that would later be turned into a film by the same name (the movie is scandalously hot). There is family speculation that parts of the book were based on some family history.

My family colonized Vietnam. My mother was born here in 1941. They left behind poverty in rural France and tropical Guadeloupe, where my grandfather's family has been since the 17th century, in the hopes of better lives in Vietnam. Their prosperity came at the cost of Vietnamese lives. I imagine that they must have thought of the Vietnamese as clever and industrious people who were not quite as good as the French; how else has colonization ever been justified?

I haven't brought up my family background in my meetings with people here because I'm not sure that there's any point. It is evident to me that the Vietnamese do not have any love for the French. I've thought a lot about why they don't seem to dislike the Americans in the same way. Part of me wants to ask but I think that I'd be disatisfied with the answers I'm given. I think that the truth is that because the French lived here their crimes were seen as much more personal than those committed by the Americans. For the Vietnamese, the Americans are more easily forgiven because the soldiers were drafted and their crimes weren't institutionalized in the same way. The French were also here for over 100 years; perhaps familiarity really does breed contempt. A cynical part of me also wonders if the Vietnamese are hoping to profit from a closer relationship with America since in spite of its current economic turmoil, the United States remains a super power; a big fish in a small pond.

Hoa Lo prison, which I visited yesterday, shows the vestiges of French colonialism in Vietnam. As of the beginning of the 20th century, the Vietnamese started to organize against French colonial rule. If caught, the resistors were sent to various prison complexes, including Hoa Lo, where they were treated inhumanely, suffering terrible living conditions and torture. The conditions in Hoa Lo were deplorable and nearly 100 prisoners died each year from a slew of diseases. I can't help but wonder how these prison conditions compared to those of Canada and England before prison reform was introduced. Prison reform didn't really begin in the West until the late 19th and early 20th century, thanks in large part to the foundation laid by John Howard and Elizabeth Fry.

I'm glad that my family left in 1946. I think they understood that they had over-stayed their welcome.

Some pictures of Hoa Lo and me in front of a sewer used by prisoners to escape in March 1911.

Longevity, one hundred ways

2008-07-15T10:39:00.027-04:00

I woke up to the sounds of Hanoi at about 6:30 this morning, turned over and slept until about 9:00 am. I was refreshed when I got up; sleep deprivation before flying 24 hours is definitely the key to fighting jet lag! By the time I was ready for breakfast it was nearly 10:30 and the restaurant was serving lunch. I was the only guest there.

Since I'm trying to be vegetarian I had a breakfast of sauteed vegetables and delicious Vietnamese coffee at the hotel restaurant. Everything that I've read says that it's possible to be vegetarian here but so far I'm finding it rather challenging. I'm compromising and eating fish but most of the seafood I've come across so far is of the shellfish variety so it's not very filling and will probably give me high cholestorol if I continue.

This evening I was told by a friendly Australian woman that the hotel breakfast was 'not good' and that I should go to KOTO which is around the corner from the Van Mieu Hotel. I think my Australian friend is probably right about the hotel's breakfast and as it turns out, I am supposed to eat at KOTO tomorrow morning. KOTO is raved about in Lonely Planet. The restaurant is staffed by former street kids and people who are physically handicapped. The owners' aim is to train and give them work experience in the service industry. I'm looking forward to having breakfast there though I'll miss Huy who was my waiter this morning. He was very friendly. He asked me all kinds of questions about Canada and helped me with my Vietnamese pronunciation. He seemed pleased that I was trying to speak Vietnamese.

Appart from the time needed to memorize vocabulary and structure, intonation is my biggest challenge. This afternoon I met a university student at the Museum of Vietnamese History whose name is Bao Chau and whose major is English. She told me that if the last part of her name is mis-pronounced, it means 'buffalo'. Apparently it was the in-thing to do in grade school to mis-pronounce her name. I'm pretty sure that I called her buffalo about ten times before getting it right: buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo, but in Vietnamese.

Bao Chau's English is excellent. She's 19 and has been studying it for 7 years. Her goal is to become an English teacher here. She'd like to do a university exchange to an English speaking country but she doesn't think she'll be able to afford it. She works several jobs to pay rent, eat, and send money back to her family who lives in the country. She bikes 20km to get to work at the museum.

More than anything else, what I saw at the Museum of Vietnamese History makes it apparent to me that Vietnam is still a tourism toddler. I saw excellently curated exhibits about the Cham people, the Neolithic and Late Neolithic eras, the Dong Son people, and the Viet victory against the Mongols' 400 ship navy in 1288. There were some spectacular artificats, including 8 foot high statues of parrots on the backs of tortoises and an enormous soapstone epitaph to Le Loi, the warlord and nobleman who pushed out the Chinese, unified the Viet people and consequently, became their first Emperor in the 15th century. Unfortunately, 95% of the curation was in Vietnamese. Fortunately, some things, like a tapestry titled 'Longevity written 100 ways' don't need a lot of explanation. Longevitiy is sought-after by the Vietnamese and the tortoise is a favourite Vietnamese symbol because it is a long-lived creature.

I think it's worth noting that in addition to seeing the Ngoc Son Temple (Jade Temple) which is in part dedicated to physicians, I did try to see tortoises near Hoan Kiem Lake but had no luck. They seem to be hiding. It could be the heat - it was very hot today but not out of Ottawa's league. Ottawa definitely gives Vietnam a run for its money in the heat department. There isn't a huge differene in temperature or humidity. There is however, a difference in rain fall.

I had dinner at a very good restaurant called Brothers Cafe that has jacked up its prices since it's been listed in Lonely Planet. It's a beautiful spot and locals with money, and Japanese investors, go there to see and be seen. They serve a great buffet where I ate seafood kebob, eel soup, seafood cari, squid pate, and yummy desserts. It started to rain just as I was finishing dinner. It was what I would call a monsoon. I tried waiting it out but finally gave in, put on my rain poncho, and waded out into what was left of the street. I opted to take a taxi although the hotel isn't all that far from the restaurant. My taxi had to stop at the end of Pho (street) Van Mieu and Quac Gam Giam (street) because the water was too high. When I hopped out, I realized that the water had gotten up to my knees. I waded in the water the rest of the way to the hotel. The rain stopped an hour and a half after it began and the street that I am now looking at is empty of water though it has again started to rain. My Australian acquaintance told me that this is the first time in her month-long adventure that it has rained like this and that the locals don't think of this as their true rainy season.

Vietnam really is a country of contrasts and a country that is moving forward: I bought silk pants (at a store where a girl had a cat on a leash.. perhaps hunting for rats..) and a silk shawl today and saw Hoa Lo Prison, previously known as the Maison Centrale, and later known as the Hanoi Hilton. It's a prison complex that was built in 1886 by the French and used by them until their departure in 1954. The Vietnamese used the prison as a detention facility for POWs during the Vietnam War - what they call the American War. I'll write more about that visit tomorrow morning. It deserves its own post.

Xe om sea

2008-07-14T12:35:00.004-04:00

I have arrived safely in Hanoi and am at the Van Mieu Hotel until July 16th when I leave for Sapa, a hill town to the North of Hanoi right below the Chinese border.

I passed out on the four hour flight from Tokyo to Hanoi. Hanoi smells like salt and sandalwood though it could be pollution since I'm not sure that there's sandalwood nearby.

There are people out enjoying the nightlife, and xe oms (motorcycles) are everywhere. There are waves of them on the street and masses of young people stop with their xe oms in front of cafes and bars. Some even drive them into the bar.

The most popular xe om seems to be the Honda Wave. I must have seen about 20 of them alone and I think that I may be witnessing the birth of a new culture here. Friends and family who have visited before told me that no one wears helmets in South East Asia but in Hanoi, they are everywhere! I was happy to see it and I wonder if it means that helmets are now being made for Asian heads (a study came out in the fall of 2007 saying that most helmets didn't fit Asian heads) or if it signals a more prosperous youth who can afford to buy helmets.

I am very tired.. tomorrow I explore Hanoi.. for now, bed.

Hair of the cat, ni ni ni, and ecce ecce ecce

2008-07-14T03:04:00.014-04:00

We chased the sun all day and all night it seems, moving West towards Japan and ultimately Vietnam. I finished a book, read about the US setting up a war in Iran, and watched 2.5 movies. I am grateful that it will be night when I arrive in Hanoi. I will fall into bed and sleep and sleep.

I was very happy with my Air Canada flight from Toronto to Tokyo Narita Eco Airport (that is what was emblazoned on the airport lawn when we landed). I think it was my first time being a minority on a flight. I was a Caucasian face in a sea of Japanese and I loved it though I might not love it so much in four weeks.

I have a photo of me with a new Japanese friend but I can't upload anything to the computer at which I currently sit; it's encased in a metal box. The photo is *fantastic*: I took it at the end of a 15 hour journey and there is a sharp contrast between me (of Eastern European descent) and my new friend (a delicate Japanese woman who is 60 but looks at least ten years younger). I might as well be the Green Giant. She and her husband were total sweeties. They wanted to know what I was "studying" because I was plowing through a great book about Vietnam ("Vietnam, Now" by David Lamb; memorable lines include "kill rat, grow cat"). Their English was almost as good as my Japanese, which is to say, non-existent so in the end they got a flight attendant to act as their translator (these two really knew how to work it, let me tell you). When they discovered that I am a teacher they were hugely impressed and made me feel very important. It was incredibly flattering and I'm certain that I turned bright red from embarrassment and surprise.

My friend and I tried communicating via the universal languages of stick figures and numbers but I think I left her with the impression that I am 37 and expecting twins. I was able to correct the impression that I'm 37 but I'm pretty sure she still believes I'm pregnant with twins. At my end, I discovered that she and her husband had been in Niagara Falls for a week-long 'low-key' trip and that they have two sons. I will post the picture of us when I can.

Landing in Japan was one of the coolest moments of my life. There were little hills poking out all over the place and bouquets of trees gathered on top. I can't believe I'm on this amazing island. The view from the plane was nothing like what I expected it to be. I expected to see large cities and, nearing Tokyo, towers and lights. Instead, I saw fields, trees, and bodies of water. From very high up it looked like Canada in miniature, except better-organized. They haven't stripped their greenbelts into thongs. The houses in towns seem to be clustered quite close together and there are substantive fields around them. I want to know what they grow there.

The great organization has continued at the airport. I had to change terminals but the gate at terminal one matched the gate at terminal two - my new friend told me two is 'ni' in Japanese which always makes me think 'ni ni ni' - resulting in: NO CONFUSION!! Again, BRILLIANT! On top of this, they had a greeter waiting for me specifically at the Air Canada gate. It pays to be the white kid going to Hanoi! Unfortuanately, in my sleep-deprived fog I accidentally ditched my greeter and made my way to Terminal Ni on my own. I hope I didn't cause her any problems or worries.

So now I am off to eat a bean paste cake thing that looks delicious and to pick at a lone cat hair stuck in my glasses. It seems that Charlie has found a way of crossing the Pacific with me. Fortunately Vietnam now has this 'kill rat, grow cat' policy. Lucky cat.

xo
toupe

ps: at this moment, I wish I could take a little pill and become a polyglot

Praying for an upgrade

2008-07-13T02:00:00.005-04:00

My trip starts later this morning at the Ottawa International Airport and culminates sometime mid or late August; return details are still being ironed-out. The first leg of my flight to Vietnam is short: Ottawa to Toronto but I then have a 13 hour flight to Tokyo so I'm praying for an upgrade.

Here's a rough idea of what my trip entails:

Ottawa (July 13) -Toronto-Tokyo-Hanoi (July 14)

Hanoi-Sapa (15 – 20 July)

Hanoi- Saigon/HCMC (20 – 29 July)

Mekong Delta: Vinh Long (29 – 30 July)

Saigon – Phnom Penh/Angkor Wat (30 July – 8 August)

Bangkok (8 – 11 August)
- Toupie on the loose in Bangkok!!

As things stand, I should be back in Canada on August 12th - beyond that, I don't know.

And.. since I have a 10 hour layover in Osaka, and if I am still standing, I am going to try to go in to KYOTO!! If all else fails, Osaka Kansai has showers and a 'refresh' room that I can use while I wait for the flight back to the motherland:

www.kansai-airport.or.jp/en/service/relax/index.html#_05

Seriously, the Japanese are brilliant! BRILLIANT!

Wish me luck with my upgrade!

The status quo

2008-07-09T18:10:00.006-04:00

Cramming as usual - bags are everywhere, books are scattered, cat is on the bed shedding (non-stop shedding these days), and I am learning how to blog before I leave on my South East Asia adventure.

I am very excited about this trip. The last big trip I planned was to Brazil in 2003 and it went completely awry shortly after landing in Rio. Instead of going parasailing in a coastal village of the state, I ended up spending five days in the Copa D'or: the very posh private hospital where I left behind my appendix.

I have reason to believe that this trip will be better. My number one reason: I no longer have an appendix.

I will of course miss my sister, family, friends, and cat but I am certain that they will survive without me. The cat will need some help but he'll get by with the help of Eileen (my roomate). The plants too.

I'll post my itinerary soon.