Thursday, May 19, 2011

Real online dating correspondence: Part Four

Hark! A new correspondent!


From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me

What r u up to this evening. I would love to get with you and see what pops up lol . . . . . . . . . . . . . You are stunning and would be a delight


From: Me
To: thisbudz4udollface


Is this like a children's game? Does a weasel pop up? I'm sorry if I stunned you; it was an accident. You'll have to finish the rest of the sentence though.. 'would be a delight'.. 'if you were just 2 inches taller' or 'if you lived closer to me' or 'if you happened to have a great appreciation for Transformers'.


From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me


Omg lol shut up what city u in


***Two minutes later: another message***


From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me


I am tall where it matters. 9 inches . And the boom box transformer rox




Charming, isn't he?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Real online dating correspondence: Part Three

From: girl flex
To: Me


I was really hoping I can meet you though, and maybe get head.. cause, after all, you're not cute enough for me to actualy take serious or date.. ull find that on here lots I predict.


From: Me
To: girl flex


Wow.. so I guess the school board is teaching your kid values since yours are totally absent.

Good call on that one, Trent!

Hopefully you won't get hairy palms from all the rubbing and tugging you're doing to mediocre looking women online! I mean, gosh, wasn't it just the other day that you were saying something about my hot mouth?

I'm just so confused now.



From: girl flex
To: Me


gte a life... maybe if you stopped teasing guys on line so much ud actually meet a dude! don't write me back plz


End correspondence.

Unbelievable, right?


Also, as much as I hate to say it.. even though I know this guy is a d-bag, it still hurts to be told I'm 'not cute enough'. Well, hopefully I made him cry a little inside too.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Real date experience

So I went on a first date (First Date for all those of you who think of it as a capital letter occasion) on Wednesday night.

The deets:

Younger man
Rides a motorcycle
Went to my alma mater, as it turns out. Actually, the initial correspondence went something like this:

From: Me
To: WorkinfortheWeekend


Did you go to ************** university by any chance? I just did a double-take when I saw a reference to ********* bar in one of your photos.

I graduated in ****.. How are you finding life post-***********?

All that aside, I liked what I saw before my minor freak-out over ************. Beer somewhere?



From: WorkinfortheWeekend
To: Me


************** university indeed. We are few and far between around these parts. We should definitely get together and talk survival strategy now that we have left the secure confines of ************.

I teach so I am basically done everyday at 3 haha. How's your week looking?


End correspondence


So we chose a convenient watering hole and decided to meet up in the evening on Wednesday.


And.. as I was walking toward the bar, a bird shat on me. True story.


Fortunately, it got my left arm, purse, and big right toe. Even more fortunately, WorkinfortheWeekend was a little tardy so I was able to clean up in the washroom before seeing him (although he was pretty cool with the whole 'sitting across from the recently shat upon chick' thing; I did tell him - I'm a blabber). 


In a further twist, his sister, her husband, and their 18 month old showed up at the bar. In fairness, they were meeting work friends. They did sit with us for a bit - very nice couple; cute kid. So I met his family on the first (First) date (Date); no biggie. He handled it well. I'm so glad it was HIS family and not mine! Haha... I love my family but gosh, that would be a *little* uncomfortable, hmm? 


Aside from that, all you need to know about the date is that I think I can now safely fall on the birds-bring-you-good-luck-when-they-shit-on-you side of things - I got kissed! Weee!

Real online dating correspondence: Part Two

For inquiring minds now hooked on bad email exchanges.. My apologies but I'll keep feeding your addiction as long as I can (aka: as long as I am single and on dating websites).


Fans of 'girl flex', see below. This is what followed after I suggested that he had hired a monkey to type for him.


From: girl flex
To: Me


too many words, not enough dirty talk *joke* ... ummmm...seeing me will depend on which school board you work at cause I have a son in the catholic school board and well I don't sh*twhere I eat.. or piss where i shit... or both *nasty*

do you wanna tell me???

I'm trent btw

P.S. I have a feeling you might like me when you see me... don't ask, but I think there's something about us having a few things in common... far beyong kissing and soft skin, although those are the fun things!



From: Me
To: girl flex


.. actually - I didn't respond - (I was left temporarily speechless) BUT, he wrote again!


From: girl flex
To: Me


?


From: Me
To: girl flex


Hi Trent,

I don't know what to say.. The eating and sleeping scenario you described does seem pretty disgusting; hard for it not to with that graphic imagery. Do you write creatively on the side?

I think we'd better leave it at this. Good luck!


Monday, May 9, 2011

Real online dating correspondence: Part I


What happens after too much time doing online dating.. yes, I will respond to ridiculous emails.. for sheer entertainment value. Enjoy!!

From: girl flex
To: Me

is that skin as soft as it looks?? lol


From: Me
To: girl flex

All two some-odd meters of it... nice line, GF. Actually, my skin is pretty soft.

How's yours?

And, tell me - this inquiring mind wants to know - what are some of your interests? Or are you saving that for our first date?

I've been running a lot lately - maybe that's why my legs are sore? I've been running through your mind? Haha.. :p

From: girl flex
To: Me

who said anything about dating?!.. I just wanna make out with that hot mouth of yours!!!

From: Me
To: girl flex

Hmmm... my hot mouth is somehow not getting closer to you.. are you SURE you want
to make out with it? You're not very convincing.

I mean, first, there's the whole waaaay too direct approach; I am thinking that I am definitely holding all the cards now! Ha!

Then, there's the fact that while you saaaay you want to make out with my hot mouth, I can only imagine that you will be kissing the screen if we don't date.

Finally, while you appear intelligent enough to type (or have hired a monkey to do the job), I don't know what you look like - unless you are trying to tell me, in an indirect way, that you are so ugly that I shouldn't see you. Should I call you Phantom?

Oh well; I will now wrap my hot mouth around a delicious ice cream sandwich. Yum.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Punch buggy punch, no punch back OR pushy pushy, jeez

Hmm.. blind item:
I'm editing this for greater anonymity.

The grand-daughter of a very famous, retired, ****, had a fit yesterday when given an assignment requiring her to draw a cartoon or caricature. According to her this was a gross miscarriage of justice.. even though the artsy students constantly need to write; something which may not come as easily to them as it does to her.

Today: when taking up two articles on rites of passage, she objected to the quality of an article on the Jewish Bar Mitzvah ritual but was incapable of explaining what was wrong with it, saying instead that she didn't think the author was Jewish.

She persisted in her objections in spite of having it pointed out to her that she had single-handedly called into question the credibility of all Religious Studies departments and academics researching religions to which they do not belong.

Sigh.

When pushed on the question of how she knew the author wasn't Jewish she hemmed and hawed finishing with 'I have a lot of friends who are Jewish'.

Sigh.

Teacher: 'I'm Jewish'

Her, jaw on desk: 'What? Huh? Really?'

Teacher: 'What, can't you tell?'

Stare down.

Her: 'Sorry' - blush, eyes downcast.

Hammer - down.

Score one for the teacher.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Call me crazy.. a few thoughts on the iPhone

Alright, short blog.

I'm looking into smartphones and in my research I have discovered that people will pay good money for almost anything.

I know, I know - slow to the draw. Please, let me clarify.

I had realized over my 30 some-odd years of existence that if people have money they will spend it on anything and everything one can imagine; it's just that some part of me thought that perhaps the Apple crowd was.. different.

How silly, especially after the iPad.

I stumbled across this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORcu-c-qnjg) YouTube video of Steve Jobs essentially selling snake oil to a crowd of people who ATE IT UP.

Watch the video, you'll see what I mean.

This is the high tech equivalent of a kid's toy salesman saying "Right folks, so we brought out new paddles last year. This year we're attaching an elastic string which you'll find useful for all kinds of reasons we can't yet begin to imagine - but isn't that SO exciting?". Cue applause.

People are paying for PROTOTYPES. People are paying lots and lots of money for prototypes. What's more, these Apple jokers KNOW that they're selling prototypes. These guys have computer engineering, computer science, physics, and math backgrounds.. and you're telling me that none of them thought it was a little weird that the 'Accelerometer' didn't move when the iPhone moved around gravity? Please. They were all itching and scratching over its limited functionality.

But now the 'Gyroscope' is one of the selling features for the iPhone4.. snake oil, I say - especially considering that the Nexus has that feature too.

What am I missing here? Why are Steve Jobs's words not working their seductive magic on me? Perhaps I need to move around gravity a little bit more.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Stuff my face with Pepperettes

Wow.

Beware - this is a rant. Hopefully some funny will come out of it.

So tonight was a TOTAL waste of time. Except that the Pepperettes I bought on my way home were tasty - all of them - because I ate them all, all at once. Yes, I know, that's disgusting. It does, however, beat fighting with my cat over them. I would also have gotten Cadbury Cream Eggs had the store carried them. (Who doesn't have Cadbury Cream Eggs this close to Easter?!)

I was annoyed before I got to the wine bar. I was turning off of Bank Street onto Fourth Avenue when my phone rang. I picked up because the guy who was calling has cancelled in the past, just an hour or so before we were supposed to meet. Clearly, not promising.

I suppose I agreed to meet him tonight (we met through an online dating site) because my standard for write-offs is if he stood me up.. it's not happening. Where this guy was concerned though, he always sounded so apologetic I thought, why not? And too, there is an element to all of this of - I just wanted to meet him to get it over with so that he'd stop bugging me for a date. Bad idea; so bad. I need to raise my write-off bar.

This guy, when I saw him, instantaneously became 'Old Guy'. He was a fitter (I use the term loosely) version of Philip Seymour Hoffman but with fuller cheeks, somehow. I really, badly wanted to say 'Yeah.. no' and walk away. I had been asking for better photos from him online and never got them. I now see why.

He called when I was turning onto Fourth because he was on Bank Street looking for the Fourth Avenue Wine Bar. My reaction: Are - you - kidding - me? Readers take note, I had sent him the address prior to meeting. No surprise - the Fourth Avenue Wine Bar is - yes, on Fourth Avenue. Two points: 1) We have Google now and 2) I teach kids all day; I DO NOT want to school a man.

Old Guy is actually younger than my ex-boyfriend but somehow he seems waaaay older. Hopefully I will age more like my ex and less like Old Guy. Old Guy reminded me that there was a time, when I was in my early and mid twenties, that I dated older men and felt that it was strange and not for me. Then I met the ex and that changed. Now it feels like that barrier is broken but it seems that these older guys are more like Old Guy. I can practically smell mothballs. And while I want to say that it just goes to show that it really isn't about age, in the end, given the probabilities involved.. it mainly IS about age. Lesson: I'd probably have more fun with someone closer to my age.

One more thing about Old Guy. Let's do the math together, shall we? So.. Old Guy moves to Ottawa from Montreal about 8 months ago. Bam! He meets a lady, they start to date. Bam! 7 months later, it's over. In the meantime, how long do you think, dear reader, that Old Guy has been making lamo contacts with me? Hmm.. definitely more like 2 months than 1 month.

Old Guy is sucky and lame.

Final confession: I also bought marshmallows to go with my Pepperettes.. *I will metabolize this*, *I will metabolize this*..

ps: Who should I go out with next? 2BELOVEDBYU? Dys_func? What about Aidan_76 (his real name is Blair)?

I swear to God, these guys make me want to buy a collection of chastity belts.


Monday, March 28, 2011

Time for a Change

Truthfully, I'm not yet sure where this blog is going. I keep coming back to it and perusing it like a canvas with the thought that it really ought to be put to use. What purpose it may serve is unclear to me at present. It may be that it has no real purpose. For now, I'm happy to let it evolve or morph into whatever it will. It's not something that I often let happen; usually I know exactly what outcome I want and I work towards it.

As my colleague (sensei, really), Paul, said to me: 'Oh - you're one of those goal-oriented people' - followed by a notorious Paul eye-roll/near-smirk. Needless to say: best sensei a yr. 6 teacher could have.

Keep in mind that Paul has run both the NYC and Boston marathons and was dismissive of the change that Boston is bringing about next year. He waved his hand and said 'Well that's still fine' when we were talking about the qualifying times being shaved by 5 minutes (http://bo.st/hS24GX).

He's right though. The qualifying times for NYC are definitely tougher (http://bit.ly/idPkMK).

Still, he's not goal-oriented - ha, ha. Actually, in all fairness he probably isn't. It's just that it's hard to believe that he could be a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda fella given that he's got salt and pepper hair and is a fantastic teacher.. then again, he does sneak out the backdoor of staff meetings like his pants are on fire. I am more and more often on his heels.

I think Paul would be pleased to have me announce that I was going to spontaneously run a half marathon.

Well, there's some food for thought.

For real food, I've been making this easy (see below) dish for some weeks now and have started to adapt it. Always delicious.

POLENTA AND VEGETABLE BAKE

Ingredients -
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 medium eggplant, diced
1 small zucchini, finely diced
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup water
10 ounces baby spinach
1 1/2 cups prepared marinara sauce
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil
14 ounces prepared polenta, sliced lengthwise into 6 thin slices
1 1/2 cups shredded part-skim mozzarella, divided

Directions -
1. Preheat oven to 450F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray.
2. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add eggplant, zucchini, salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are tender and just beginning to brown. 4 to 6 minutes. Add water and spinach, cover and cook until wilted, stirring once, about 3 minutes. Stir marinara sauce into the vegetables and heat through. 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in basil.
3. Place polenta slices in a single layer in the prepared baking dish, trimming to fit if necessary. Sprinkle with 3/4 cups cheese, top with the eggplant mixture and sprinkle with the remaining 3/4 cups cheese. Bake until bubbling and the cheese has just melted, 12 to 15 minutes. Let stand for about 5 minutes before serving.

Adapting -
The best thing that I've done to this recipe is to add cooked quinoa to the eggplant mix so that there's some solid protein in there. In addition, I've now tried replacing the polenta with cooked rice and that worked very nicely. I've also frequently used cheddar instead of mozzarella because I really like that sharp taste. One of the great things about this recipe is that all kinds of veggies can go in in lieu of the onces suggested; no need for anything to go to waste. One last adaptation that I've successfully tried is to replace the marinara sauce with 8 ounces diced, canned, tomatoes, and 8 ounces canned tomato sauce - no problem, easy peasy, and still a great flavour.
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