Real online dating correspondence: Part Four

Hark! A new correspondent!


From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me

What r u up to this evening. I would love to get with you and see what pops up lol . . . . . . . . . . . . . You are stunning and would be a delight


From: Me
To: thisbudz4udollface


Is this like a children's game? Does a weasel pop up? I'm sorry if I stunned you; it was an accident. You'll have to finish the rest of the sentence though.. 'would be a delight'.. 'if you were just 2 inches taller' or 'if you lived closer to me' or 'if you happened to have a great appreciation for Transformers'.


From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me


Omg lol shut up what city u in


***Two minutes later: another message***


From: thisbudz4udollface
To: Me


I am tall where it matters. 9 inches . And the boom box transformer rox




Charming, isn't he?

Real online dating correspondence: Part Three

From: girl flex
To: Me


I was really hoping I can meet you though, and maybe get head.. cause, after all, you're not cute enough for me to actualy take serious or date.. ull find that on here lots I predict.


From: Me
To: girl flex


Wow.. so I guess the school board is teaching your kid values since yours are totally absent.

Good call on that one, Trent!

Hopefully you won't get hairy palms from all the rubbing and tugging you're doing to mediocre looking women online! I mean, gosh, wasn't it just the other day that you were saying something about my hot mouth?

I'm just so confused now.


From: girl flex
To: Me


gte a life... maybe if you stopped teasing guys on line so much ud actually meet a dude! don't write me back plz


End correspondence.

Unbelievable, right?


Also, as much as I hate to say it.. even though I know this guy is a d-bag, it still hurts to be told I'm 'not cute enough'. Well, hopefully I made him cry a little inside too.

Real date experience

So I went on a first date (First Date for all those of you who think of it as a capital letter occasion) on Wednesday night.

The deets:

Younger man
Rides a motorcycle
Went to my alma mater, as it turns out. Actually, the initial correspondence went something like this:

From: Me
To: WorkinfortheWeekend


Did you go to ************** university by any chance? I just did a double-take when I saw a reference to ********* bar in one of your photos.

I graduated in ****.. How are you finding life post-***********?

All that aside, I liked what I saw before my minor freak-out over ************. Beer somewhere?



From: WorkinfortheWeekend
To: Me


************** university indeed. We are few and far between around these parts. We should definitely get together and talk survival strategy now that we have left the secure confines of ************.

I teach so I am basically done everyday at 3 haha. How's your week looking?

End correspondence


So we chose a convenient watering hole and decided to meet up in the evening on Wednesday.


And.. as I was walking toward the bar, a bird shat on me. True story.


Fortunately, it got my left arm, purse, and big right toe. Even more fortunately, WorkinfortheWeekend was a little tardy so I was able to clean up in the washroom before seeing him (although he was pretty cool with the whole 'sitting across from the recently shat upon chick' thing; I did tell him - I'm a blabber). 


In a further twist, his sister, her husband, and their 18 month old showed up at the bar. In fairness, they were meeting work friends. They did sit with us for a bit - very nice couple; cute kid. So I met his family on the first (First) date (Date); no biggie. He handled it well. I'm so glad it was HIS family and not mine! Haha... I love my family but gosh, that would be a *little* uncomfortable, hmm? 


Aside from that, all you need to know about the date is that I think I can now safely fall on the birds-bring-you-good-luck-when-they-shit-on-you side of things - I got kissed! Weee!

Real online dating correspondence: Part Two

For inquiring minds now hooked on bad email exchanges.. My apologies but I'll keep feeding your addiction as long as I can (aka: as long as I am single and on dating websites).


Fans of 'girl flex', see below. This is what followed after I suggested that he had hired a monkey to type for him.


From: girl flex
To: Me


too many words, not enough dirty talk *joke* ... ummmm...seeing me will depend on which school board you work at cause I have a son in the catholic school board and well I don't sh*twhere I eat.. or piss where i shit... or both *nasty*

do you wanna tell me???

I'm trent btw

P.S. I have a feeling you might like me when you see me... don't ask, but I think there's something about us having a few things in common... far beyong kissing and soft skin, although those are the fun things!


From: Me
To: girl flex


.. actually - I didn't respond - (I was left temporarily speechless) BUT, he wrote again!


From: girl flex
To: Me


?


From: Me
To: girl flex


Hi Trent,

I don't know what to say.. The eating and sleeping scenario you described does seem pretty disgusting; hard for it not to with that graphic imagery. Do you write creatively on the side?

I think we'd better leave it at this. Good luck!

Real online dating correspondence: Part I

What happens after too much time doing online dating.. yes, I will respond to ridiculous emails.. for sheer entertainment value. Enjoy!!

From: girl flex

To: Me

is that skin as soft as it looks?? lol

From: Me

To: girl flex

All two some-odd meters of it... nice line, GF. Actually, my skin is pretty soft.

How's yours?

And, tell me - this inquiring mind wants to know - what are some of your interests? Or are you saving that for our first date?

I've been running a lot lately - maybe that's why my legs are sore? I've been running through your mind? Haha.. :p

From: girl flex

To: Me

who said anything about dating?!.. I just wanna make out with that hot mouth of yours!!!

From: Me

To: girl flex

Hmmm... my hot mouth is somehow not getting closer to you.. are you SURE you want
to make out with it? You're not very convincing.

I mean, first, there's the whole waaaay too direct approach; I am thinking that I am definitely holding all the cards now! Ha!

Then, there's the fact that while you saaaay you want to make out with my hot mouth, I can only imagine that you will be kissing the screen if we don't date.

Finally, while you appear intelligent enough to type (or have hired a monkey to do the job), I don't know what you look like - unless you are trying to tell me, in an indirect way, that you are so ugly that I shouldn't see you. Should I call you Phantom?

Oh well; I will now wrap my hot mouth around a delicious ice cream sandwich. Yum.